Day 10

I can't believe it's already day 10. I know I am getting lax about the all fruits and veggie thing. But it's better than doing nothing, I guess. Last night I had nothing at the movie...no candy, no soda, no popcorn (it always smells better than it tastes anyway). And at Sweet Tomatoes I filled up my plate with veggies and salad, added a little salad dressing (this is where I am lax) and had two bowls of vegetarian soup. If it is vegetarian does that mean there is only veggies in there? I took it as a yes, and ate up. Not one brownie morsel made it past my lips. Still, I feel like I ate too much while there and didn't feel at all skinny that night when we got home. It was probably because of the sodium in the dressing and soup.

I am looking forward to today. No plans to eat out so I can really stick to the diet. I also bought my first watermelon of the season and I can't wait to cut it up and sink my teeth in. Imagine how great it will taste after all these months of winter. My plan:

Breakfast: banana drizzled with honey (my new favorite meal)

Lunch: green smoothie

Snack: fruit salad

Dinner: green salad and watermelon

I'll also drink plenty of water, take my vitamins, and get in a great workout. Peace out.

So far so good

Just a little post before we head out to the movie and dinner. So far I've done fantastic (in my mind) and wanted to recognize that fact before I face temptation. Not that it is any temptation, because I've already made up my mind about what I will and will not eat. Over and out.

Ooopps!

No one is perfect, right? No one expects me to be perfect, do they? I didn't think so. With that in mind, day 9 can be flushed right down the toilet. I'm not sure what happened but my resolve dissolved into a food mess. I won't post what I ate, just know that is was not a fruit or vegetable. But that was yesterday and this is today. I can't do anything about the past...all I can do is move on and focus on today.

Which, BTW, today is Tre's birthday. Happy 9th Tre! Celebrations are always tough. This is what I will do to get through it:

• Dinner is at Sweet Tomatoes...great for me (salad, fruit, no preparation!), and great for Tre (unlimited ice cream and chocolate sauce and sprinkles).
• He is not a huge fan of cake so I am making mint brownies. He loves them and I don't care for them at all. Mint and chocolate does not do it for me...it's kinda like brushing your teeth then biting into chocolate. All that gooey chocolate is ruined by the fresh mint taste.
• I'll be busy today with wrapping, baking, watching the Dance Festival at his school, and going to see Speed Racer right after school. No time to get bored and eat.

That's the plan. And if I stick to the diet today I'll be pretty happy.

Day 8

I'm not sure if anyone really wants to be reading about my little world, but it helps me when I post about this daily.

So Monday rolls around and it hits....I want to eat real food! It doesn't help that it rained all day and was cold. When the weather is like this I just want something warm. I did okay until dinner time. I wanted cereal, bread, and peanut butter because salad, smoothies, or fruit just didn't sound good. I broke. I had a bazillion spoonfuls of peanut butter and a slice of bread with smart balance spread. Then I brushed my teeth and told myself I was done even though I felt bad that I couldn't eat what I wanted.

I guess I could eat what I wanted....if I was weak and not willing to stare my problem in the face. I could just run away and hide in food like always or I can break the binge/diet cycle. I want this to work. It just doesn't feel like it will right now. Really I just need to stop making a big deal out of this. Somewhere in this world there are a lot bigger problems than mine.

Tuesday is a new day and the day I will buckle down and finish what I started. So far I've had coffee and an all fruit smoothie for breakfast. Lunch will be a green smoothie and dinner will be a big salad with lots of veggies. I'm going to the store today to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies and 100% juice.

Day 6 & 7

Not bad, not bad at all. I survived Cafe Rio on Saturday. No problem here. I just ordered a salad like usual and asked for an extra plate. Then I took most of the lettuce, pico de gallo, guacamole, and black beans and let Belle and Jer eat the rest. It was fantastic!

Then there was lunch at Nana's house on Sunday. They had shredded pork sandwiches on fresh rolls, corn on the cob, strawberry pie, cupcakes, and a bowl full of mini chocolate bars. I had caesar salad and tomato slices. I also opened up a can of diet Dr. Pepper, had about 3 sips, decided I didn't want it and gave the rest to Tre.

I feel normal otherwise. If you can call me normal. I really want this to work. I would hate for all this hard work to go down the drain as soon as I start eating real food again. Not that fruits and veggies aren't real food, but you know what I mean.

Weight as of Monday morning: 131.8

My goal is to stay between 125 and 130 year round. This is easy for me around Christmas time (must be all that holiday cheer) but seems to be a little more difficult in the summer months. Crazy.

I'm thinking that if I can resist Nana's strawberry pie, I can resist anything as long as I put my mind to it. The trick was deciding before hand that there would be no question. I made my decision and I was not going to back down. I wanted to be in control, not the other way around. Bring on week 2!

Day 5

It's been five day of eating only fruits, vegetable, and a little peanut butter. At this point I feel proud, in control, happy, and skinny. I have lost 4.2 pounds so far (probably water) but feel 30 pounds lighter. My clothes fit better, I hold myself higher because I am not ashamed of being a hypocrite, and I feel in control. Food doesn't have control over me...I have control over it.

Fruits and vegetables have a more intense taste now. A fresh strawberry or some frozen banana pieces explode in my mouth and I'm pretty sure they have a party. Last night we went out to dinner. Wingers no less. I ordered the Chicken Mango Salad minus the chicken, almonds, dressing, and tortilla strips. A huge bowl of satisfying crisp lettuce, soft juicy mango pieces, and candy-like Craisins. Add a little tiny bit of poppy seed dressing (I'm talking maybe a teaspoon) and I was in heaven. Sounds corny but it's the truth.

I haven't had any cravings as of yet. I know it's early still but they say the first week is the hardest. After Monday, it's all down hill. The trick will be when (if) I start eating other healthy foods like lean protein, whole grains, light sauces and dressings, and small portions of my favorite treats.

Memorial Day will not have a hold on me. I'll have some fun for sure, but it will not revolve around food thank you very much.

Day 4

I don't feel hungry anymore. That empty feeling in my gut is gone and I my stomach doesn't growl like it did at the beginning of the week. I have to remind myself to eat when I start getting low on energy. Actually food in general just doesn't sound good. Weird. My face is breaking out because of excess oil (this is supposed to be normal with detox) but I had to cinch my belt to the next hole today. Here are some stats:

• Starting weight: 136.6
• Weight on Day 4: 132.4

• Starting average daily calories: 2100
• Average daily calories now: 1055 (I know it is extremely low and not a balanced diet, I don't promote this diet to anyone unless they are seriously struggling with eating compulsion or food addiction!)

• Favorite food last week: PB sandwiches, cookies, doughnuts
• Favorite food this week: Fruit salad--one banana, 4 large strawberries chopped, one clementine mixed with 3 Tbs orange juice and cinnamon to taste

I'll keep posting about this, stay tuned to see if it is all worth it. BTW...I am nervous about Memorial Day weekend coming up and Tre's Birthday next week. Lots and lots of temptations. Family, friends, food, and fun could spell disaster.

I am strong, I am in control of my eating habits, I love my body and will treat it right.